For most couples, whether married or in a long-term relationship, it can be a difficult transition once the "honeymoon" stage is over. The initial lust and butterflies in the stomach you once felt may have given way to a more laid-back, comfortable feeling with your significant other. It is normal for long-standing relationships to cool down after a while and this is when the real relationship building begins.
A good partnership is like tending to a pet - either you feed and nurture it, or bad things will happen. The small things you do become important. Daily habits help to forge strong relationships and marriages. It can be as simple as remembering to tell your partner "I love you," everyday.
If you are really serious about making your relationship work, there are several little rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life.
Talk To Each Other
Most relationship experts would agree that talking is the most important elements of a healthy partnership. Happy couples typically say their relationship works better when they can sit down one-on-one, share their feelings and work out their frustrations. Topics of discussion can extend past your relationship. Talk about work, how your day is going, or something funny that happened to you.
Many couples may complain that it is hard to find time in their busy day to have a daily couple's pow-wow. Well, it doesn't have to be an hour-long psych session each day. You simply have to set aside a few minutes for your special someone. For example, do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his/her day is going. By doing this, you will be more in sync when you reconnect after work.
If you have a pet dog, how about walking it together every night? The quiet time and fresh air can be your chance to focus on each other. If you have missed each other during the day, be sure to catch up at night right before going to bed. It is in this relaxed atmosphere that you can unwind and tell your partner about your busy day.
When you live together, you may automatically think you know everything about your lover. In reality though, it is very easy for life to get in the way if you don't take the time to connect with each other.
Flirt
Flirting isn't just for teenagers and couples on their first date. Part of a healthy sexual relationship involves flirting with each other everyday. And it doesn't just have to be a form of foreplay. Even on the nights when you are just too doggone tired to be intimate in bed, flirting can be a fun way to keep the zest in your relationship.
Don't be embarrassed about flirting in public either. Show off the strength of your relationship with a little PDA (public displays of affection). Walk hand in hand and try to steal a quick hug or kiss whenever you can. Most importantly, don't forget to say "I love you," as much as possible throughout the day.
Be Silly Together
Life is serious enough. Sometimes you just need to do something really silly. And if you can't do it with your significant other, who can you be silly with? When you find the time, try reliving your childhood by visiting an amusement park. Go on all the scary rides and eat all the sweets you can until your stomach can take no more.
For a daily ritual that you and your partner can share at home, try playing a game of Twister. The contorted positions you will find yourselves in will have you laughing in no time. Or kick back and watch a funny TV show that both of you enjoy. Whatever you do, the important thing is to laugh and have fun together.
Declare Your Independence
Remember that healthy relationships are made up of two independent people who have their own personalities and interests. It's not good for the relationship to be constantly joined at the hip. So also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. Peruse your own hobbies and interests.
Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner may not be able to fill for you. For example, if one of you likes sports and the other likes the arts, use your alone time to go to the gym or enroll in a painting class. At the end of your day, you will find that you have more to talk about. It will help bring freshness to the relationship, as you both continue to grow as people.
Cultivate Common Interests
Along with developing your personal interests, apart from one another, it is also essential to find something you can do together. The emphasis is on finding an activity you can both enjoy. Although your definition of fun may be going shopping, he may not enjoy being dragged along.
If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. Try working out at the gym together. Or take some classes together until you find something you both like. Maybe you'll both fall in love with cooking and connect each night by preparing dinner together.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
How you can take your relationship a little too seriously
Becoming involved in a serious romantic relationship can be a pretty overwhelming experience, especially if you’ve never had the privilege of being in love before. It’s hard to think of many things that deserve to be treated with more seriousness and commitment than the romance you have with your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband!
The problem with thin skin
Like everything in life, though, it’s possible to take your romantic relationship or marriage a little too seriously. One of the most important ingredients in a successful relationship is the ability to laugh and have fun even in the face of problems. Thin skin, chronic jealousy and an inability to take stress in stride will all chip away at your relationship and make your sweetheart less likely to trust and share things with you.
External stresses are inevitable in even the best relationships. The words and actions of others, random events and even financial worries can be unpleasant to deal with, but taking them too seriously gives them power over your life and your happiness.
You decide how you feel!
Remember: no person or event has the power to make you upset or unhappy. The only person who decides how you’re going to feel . . . is you! Worrying or obsessing about things that you have no control over–and that your sweetheart had nothing to do with–lets those things affect the health of your romantic relationship.
Now why in the world would you want to let those pitiful outside influences have any control over the happiness of you and your special someone?
Trusting your sweetheart
For some people who take their romance too seriously, the root of the problem is fear that their relationship is going to end. That’s an understandable worry for anyone who values their relationship, but getting bent out of shape over any small event makes a breakup more likely, not less.
Trusting your lover, and being confident that they assign the same amount of importance to your relationship as you do, is the first step in denying outside influences any control over your happiness.
Rather than immediately getting offended or stressed out over something, ask yourself: does this really threaten our relationship? Is my sweetheart really someone who would let this have a negative affect on our happiness?
When you come to the conclusion that the answer to both questions is “no,” make yourself a promise that you won’t let this event have power over your happiness by taking it too seriously.
By learning to take things less seriously and laugh at events that are out of your control, you’ll make your sweetheart feel more trusted, more understood, and more loved.
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